I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
