Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
