it was like his penis was on wheels.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
