I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
