My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
