He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
