Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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