I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
