He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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