Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
