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I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
