Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
