sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
