don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i now understand why vodka
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
