were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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