a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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