She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
