she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
