I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
