You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Vodka?
Forever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
