I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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