He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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