i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
