Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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