turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
