We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
