high people should be assigned attendants
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
