Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
