there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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