if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
