You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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