Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
