I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
