i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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