I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im six kinds of drunk right now
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
