I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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