I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
