Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
