Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
