dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
