chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
