Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They took my balls.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
