I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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