As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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