you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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