um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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