drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I need water and some morals
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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