I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
