Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
