and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Small penises have feelings too.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
