So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
