Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
