Moan for me like Helen Keller
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
