also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
