My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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