the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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